Four Ways to Help Someone Feel More Included

Hello, Is Any One Out There? 

I got sick when I was 17 and it’s the reason I studied social work. I will never forget the feelings of isolation and loneliness, as a 17 and 18 year old predominantly living in my bed or on the couch.  I was stuck in my house. I did get out of the house, to appointments, physiotherapy and hydrotherapy, to rent DVDs, food shopping and get slurpees from 7 Eleven. My mum, sister and dad were amazing at getting me out of the house and setting up my wheelchair. There became special people in my community that I will be forever thankful for, including George at 7 Eleven, and Blockbuster staff who would wipe my late fees, as well as my husband who I met at the pool when I did hydrotherapy. 

At 17, I was independent and didn’t think I needed anyone. But, I was wrong and it wasn’t until I got sick and needed help for so many things that I realised the importance of people. What I learnt from these experiences was the power of human connection, and how much we need people.  

Here are Five Ways to Help Someone Feel More Included that I learnt from my community that I use in my whole life as well as at work. I hope these aren’t too controversial, and again, these are just from my experiences. 

1. Be consistent, every Tuesday I knew that George would be working at 7 Eleven. Now, George would leave the payment desk to come greet me and ensure the floor was safe for me, not too wet or sticky. George had the biggest smile every time. George was consistently respectful and kind. Even after I got better, for years afterwards, when I went to that petrol station he would greet me and ask about my life. We have such a special opportunity to connect with people through being consistent in our approach and contact. Your consistent response may support others to feel connected, safe and feel a sense of belonging. 
2. Help, this may be a bit controversial. I am all for a can do spirit, in fact, many times I have done this at a cost to myself. One day, I wheeled myself down to the shops, in the end I had bleeding cut hands and burnt arms. However, there was this lifeguard at the pool, who every shift would wheel my chair closer to me, to help ease my transition out of the pool. I never asked for their help, and I would never have asked, I was so embarrassed about my situation. However, what they did, provided so much ease, and helped me so greatly. Sometimes in life, we need help even when we don’t ask for it, for a whole host of reasons. So, if you see someone possibly struggling, perhaps offer to help, or provide a solution to a problem, you may even be the solution to their problem. I’ll never be able to pay back that lifeguard, but that’s not the point, they didn’t do it for a reward, they did it because they were kind. We can help people feel worthy, when we give them our time, our attention and our hands. 
3. Celebrate, I turned 18 and 19 when I was sick. A childhood friend came to my house and brought me ginger beers to celebrate my 18th birthday. They never came again, but I’ll never forget what that meant to come to my house and celebrate with me. One of my I Will’s is I Will Celebrate. Celebrating is one of my favourite things to do, for that reason I have about 10 anniversaries with my husband a year. To connect with people, we can find ways to celebrate with them and acknowledge milestones, whatever they may be. People can feel lonely over holidays and special days, by going to them or inviting them over, we offer an opportunity to connect, unite, and build memories together. 
4. Go To Them, this is definitely inspired by my husband. I was 17, he was the 18 year old lifeguard. What my husband used to do still baffles me. A lot of people stared at me, it was a very visual illness, but he never cared, and he always came to my lane at the pool for a conversation. When you become that isolated and in your own head, I would never reach out to someone, my confidence and self-worth became so low. I don’t even mean as a romantic thing, but just as a person to person contact, the confidence to engage in conversations definitely reduced for me. However, his boldness didn’t allow me to hide, and I always think about how when he spoke to me, I was the old Claire before I got sick, he reminded me of all the things I used to do like running, and it made me feel hope. So, wherever you are, you can go up to people and start a conversation, build a bridge and find something to talk about. What I learnt from Kyle, is there will always be something you can find to talk about with someone. 

Hope this helps,

Claire